My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize