So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
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hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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