How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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