no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
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I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
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I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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