Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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