maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
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She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
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She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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