I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize