so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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