I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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