I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize