He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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