I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
no you cant smoke seaweed
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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