he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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