i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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