you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize