i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
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The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
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