it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
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I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
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Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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