Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
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I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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