My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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