Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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