I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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