he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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