Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
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Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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