I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
this boner is exhausting
birth control should be required to get into college
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize