You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize