You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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