dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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