I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
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Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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