soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You took a bar mat shot.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize