The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize