I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize