i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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