I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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