I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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