Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
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It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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