i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
they need to just BURY HIM!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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