I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize