Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize