I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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