So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize