Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
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I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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