Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize