Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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