Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize