Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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