i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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