My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize