you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize