No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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