She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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